The Take-No-Shit Bullshitter Bastards

I never cease to be tickled by the irony that seeps from the pores on the earnest faces of THOSE people who tell you that they “don’t take any shit from anyone.”  Because, clearly, the very fact that they are telling you this is an implicit admission that they DO take shit from people and have thus created a bravado to combat their frequently wounded pride.   That bravado manifests itself in the form of a mask, an alias, a self-righteous un-caped crusader, a fantasy aspiration that we might call the Take-No-Shit-Bullshitter.

The burden that these pitiful morons bear is one which compels them to perform an ostentatious act of complaint in every situation in which they are seen not to get their own way. 

For example, during the pre-Christmas postal chaos in which England’s lazy arses did all their present shopping online, I joined a snake-like queue at the local sorting office to collect some parcels.  Feeling quite sanguine about this situation, I was gently amused to witness a Take-No-Shit-Bullshitter refuse to accept that the parcel he had been expecting had not yet arrived at the sorting office.  The poor sods on the desk had a good look for it.  It wasn’t  there.  Your common garden Take-No-Shit-Bullshitter abandons logic and courtesy at this point, because he believes that he is being “done over”.  The system (or someone) is lying to him and “taking the piss”.  He won’t stand for it.  So he throws his toys out of the pram and begins to get shirty with the counter staff.  As if it’s their fault.

What goes through his mind at this point, knowing that defeat is inevitable, is a plan to say something PROFOUND that he can tell his friends about afterwards: 

“So he says to me that they haven’t got it and I say ‘well that’s seventy quid’s worth of stuff there’ and he says ‘what do you want me to do?’ and I say ‘you can bloody well pay me the seventy quid then or I’m not moving’.”  Profound?  Or perhaps deeply discourteous, unreasonable and patently illogical?  But the point is, he MADE A STAND and took no shit.

At this point, he needs to leave the scene with his dignity intact, having got nowhere with his complaint, so he will try to engage a bystander with eye-contact, to gain affirmation that he is RIGHT  and the source of his complaint is WRONG; and he will utter that trite and fatuous adjective that all Take-No-Shit-Bullshitters bandy about: “RIDICULOUS!”  And he’ll repeat it to his audience and crave complicit nods.  “It’s ridiculous isn’t it?  Ridiculous!”