I, T bloody V

I read a tweet today that concisely and accurately described how to tell you were visiting a posh house when you were growing up (assuming you grew up in the 70s or 80s) - it had more than one type of cheese and booze that wasn't bought to drink the same day.  I would add one more feature:  The people in the house never watched ITV.

Growing up with only 3 channels - and only two broadcasting companies - meant that your perception and judgement of BBC and ITV was in terms of their contrast to each other.  It was like the sort of contrast you might have between your parents' respective families, where one was better educated, reserved, dignified and a bit tight with money (like the BBC), while the other was more popularist, loud, able to laugh at themselves and fairly wanton with the old spondoolies (ITV).

To some extent, the legacy of this dichotomy between the two channels still exists.  Quiz shows are a case in point.  I used to love ITV quizzes and game shows as a kid, partly because I could answer the questions and partly because the prizes were exciting (i.e. expensive).  I couldn't answer anything on BBC.  Even Crackerjack asked kids questions that you'd now see on University Challenge.  And all they'd get for demonstrating a level of knowledge commensurate with studying for a PhD is a fucking Crackerjack pen.  A poncey bloody biro.  Over on ITV, if you knew the capital of England, guessed the price of a teas-maid or could throw a dart with any accuracy, you'd win a mini.

On the subject of kids' TV, for cutting edge, anarchic, brash and pure piss-your-pants lunacy, you clicked the 3 button.  ITV gave us Rainbow, the forerunner of BBC's The Young Ones, ten years later. (Have you ever noticed the comparison?  Zippy = Vyvyan, George = Neil, Geoffrey = Mike, Bungle = Rick; and Rod, Jane and Freddy were Motorhead, Madness, The Damned or whoever provided the music.)  BBC served up Barnaby the Bear.  Wetter than a Sunday afternoon in the Amazon.

Probably the most exciting time of the week was when Thames Television handed over to LWT (London Weekend Television) on a Friday evening.  As the iconic London panorama folded inwards on itself to the sound of trumpets and trombones and then the letters L, W and T unfurled in red, white and blue, my ten-year-old heart would race.  And then Mind Your Language came on.  Proper 70s-diversity with no political agenda.

The BBC stopped broadcasting in the afternoons.  Like a tired old grandfather, the channel went to sleep.  Meanwhile, we'd turn over to watch Derek Batey presenting Mr and Mrs or Fred Dineage fronting Gambit, both with the most garishly coloured sets, proper council estate contestants (most of us were council tenants in those days) and most importantly, ad breaks that allowed you to go to the loo or make yourself a quick Soda Stream drink or Angel Delight.

When it boiled down to it though, and you tended to realise this slowly as you grew up, the better programmes were on BBC.  Who can recall a typical Saturday night on ITV?  Not me.  Because nothing could compete with Jim'll Fix It (er...), Basil Brush, Doctor Who, The Generation Game, The Duchess of Duke Street, Match of the Day.  I can't even tell you what I ever watched on ITV on Saturdays.  Cannon and Ball in the early 80s was about the most memorable show and that was only because it was so astoundingly shit.

Nowadays, the nation is divided by Brexit, perceptions of liberalism and attitudes towards male grooming; back then, you either watched ITV or you didn't.  We did and were proud of the fact.  And in its favour, it wasn't all trashy and low-brow.  I learnt more from How? then I did from Mr Sagoo my physics teacher in secondary school.  And that's what sums up ITV.  Fred Dineage was educating the kids in How? at the same time as he was encouraging gambling in Gambit.  Your know that if Fred was your uncle, he'd spend more than a fiver on your Christmas present.

Because he's I, T bloody V!